I apologize for whining about my writing so much. I'll figure it out. I'm a smart rat. I have amateur computer hack mentality. There isn't any system I can't figure out, so I'll apply my computer hack mentality to my screenplay.

I was reading the workbook from this seminar I took in May last night. That seminar had a whole section on the three blocks to enlightenment, which are.

1) boredom - comes from undirected attention
2) confusion - comes from not relating or not understanding (con - against, fusion - to be one)
3) paradox - comes from the conflict between two contraditory beliefs.

I'm definitely "confused" by the whole screenwriting process. The May seminar taught that the way out of confusion, was to pick one thing from the item that you're confused about, and focus on that. It's kind of like saying, you can understand the universe by looking at how one small thing relates to it. Or something like that. I don't have the workbook with me now, to get the right quote.

I need to pick one thing from screenplay, and understand the universe through it. My screenplay is about the parent/child relationship; this is the theme my screenplay is exploring. I think if I just focus on the parent/child relationship, I'll be able to find an ending that I'm happy with and is satisfying. I think I'm making my screenplay process too complicated. Storytelling is a simple process. I need to remember this. Nothing is more satisfying to me, than a simple story told very, very well. If I focus on what I really love about movies, I know I'll find the happy medium between what I want as an artist and what will satisfy a sophisticated movie going audience. Keeping in mind that I love Hollywood mainstream sappy happy movies and totally hate most anti-establishment independent films, I know I can find the happy medium between the two worlds. I've got to. This is the paradox I see of the screenwriting; to be mainstream and normal in what is basically an outlaw, radical and anti-establishment community.

I'm a writer, and I suppose by definition I'm anti-establishment. But in reality, I'm really not. I'm not the kind of writer who wants to break new ground, start a new genre, or push the envelope of creativity. That kind of writing is boring to me ultimately. I don't have the temperament to reinvent the wheel. I just want to tell a good story, and tell that story very, very well. Telling a story that is entertaining and interesting, that touches your heart is my ultimate goal. I just have to remember this truth about my writing, and let this truth guide my writing. All this other "stuff" I'm going through and I'm hearing is someone else's vision of movies, somebody else's truth, but it's not mine.